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I did feel a bit better after getting a shower and brushing my teeth, and I felt even better
after I ate something. And having Carter and Isaac there, even if they had to drive for two hours
and take a day off work to go home, I appreciated it more than they could know.
And I felt better after talking to them about what I had to say to Will tomorrow. I had it
all planned. I d talk to him before work or at work or at lunch or after work, and I d tell him. I d
tell him everything, and then he couldn t be mad at me anymore, and maybe, just maybe, he
might smile and make a joke about how stupid I was or how at least he d listen to what I had to
say.
Except when I got to work the next day, I waited out in front with Carter and Isaac before
their planned drive back to Boston. But Will never showed.
I saw one of the girls on our floor coming out of the building and stopped her.  Hey, is
Will upstairs already?
 Oh, she said.  Didn t you hear? He resigned. Came in and saw Hubbard yesterday and
left. He doesn t work here anymore.
And then that heart-squeezing thing and nauseous feeling was back. Carter put his hand
on my shoulder, and I looked at him.  I need to find him.
 I ll drive you to his place, he told me with a nod. Then he looked back at the doors to
my office building.  Should you tell someone you re not going to work today?
 Fuck work, I said.  I don t care about that.
 Come on, he said.  I ll drive you.
I gave him directions and tried to take deep breaths on the way there. I was nervous
before, but it was excited nerves. This was almost a dread. As if I knew, deep down, it wouldn t
end well.
 We ll wait here, Carter told me.  Send me a text message if we re good to go.
I tried to give him a smile as I got out of the Jeep.
 Mark, Isaac said,  tell him the truth. That s all you can do.
I gave them a nod and went into Will s apartment complex before I lost my nerve
completely.
I knocked on his door. And then I knocked again.  Will? It s me. Can I talk to you
please? There was only silence, but I swear I saw shadows under the door.  Will, I don t mind
talking through the door, but I don t think your neighbor two doors down likes me.
I swear I could hear him breathing on the other side of the door.
 Will, I started softly.  I need to talk to you. I have so much to say and so much to
apologize for.
The door handle turned and he slowly opened the door. Stepping aside, he silently
allowed me inside and waited for me to speak.
 I went to work this morning and they told me you quit, I told him.  So I came straight
here. Carter and Isaac drove me. They re downstairs waiting. They drove from Boston last night
because I kind of lost it and they were worried.
Will stared at me like I wasn t making any sense. So I took a deep breath and started
again.  I think you might have feelings for me, and I m sorry I never realized before. I know I ve
said all along I never wanted to be with anyone, and I guess I never did.
Will blinked slowly and frowned.  Is that what you came to tell me?
I shook my head quickly.  No. What I came to tell you was that I never wanted anyone
before. But then there s you, and I have all these feelings that I don t know what to do with, and
I m still getting this whole thing wrong.
Will walked over to the kitchen.  Yes, Mark, you are.
 I m sorry, I said.  I wish I knew how to say it.
 Say what?
It was then I looked around his apartment. It was scattered with boxes. Moving boxes. I
spun to look at him.  Are you leaving?
He nodded and spoke to the floor.  I can t stay here.
 Because of me? I asked quietly.
He didn t answer. Instead he said,  It s too hard to stay.
I rushed over to him and made him look at me.  Don t leave, I said, almost pleading.
 I m sorry I fucked everything up so bad, but I m trying to make it right.
Will swallowed hard.  How? Please tell me how you will do that?
 I think I have these feelings, I told him again. I pulled at my hair.  I think it could be
love. I m not sure, to be honest. I ve never really been in love before so it s hard to tell if it s
love or the flu or some other thing that makes me sick and I can t breathe.
I was rambling and not making any damn sense.  Will, please. I m not very good at [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]