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backing it up, and Conrad had a hard time reconciling that with the clueless,
rather fruity kid Feck had been. He still looked the same, or nearly so.
Conrad said,  When did you become such a grade-A spaceman? You ve been
onNewhope a long time, I know, but so have a few others. I can tell you
firsthand, people don t absorb everything by osmosis. To know
everything really everything takes a lot of work. What made you decide . . .
to be that person?
Feck laughed.  You have to ask? You boys got to play space pirate, while I
was stuck on the ground babysitting.
 You organized a revolution, Conrad observed.
But Feck just waved that off.  I organized a small riot. We knew what we were
doing, but the odds were against us from the beginning. Obviously. The chaos
lasted barely an hour, and we were lucky to have that much. Whereas you guys
were running riot through the Kuiper Belt for months. You think I wasn t
jealous? Hell, I still am. And when it was over, you guys got all the best
training slots. Because you already had space experience, see? And of course
that meant you got to be the crew ofNewhope, and then the first to explore the
planet, to carve the streets there. By the time you woke me up, there was
nothing really raw left to do. I ve been playing catch-up ever since. If I
can t be a pioneer, I figure I ll at least be the best goddamn space jockey
you ever saw.
 There was nothing romantic about the pirate s life, Conrad told him darkly.
 I fall into that trap myself sometimes, but when I really think back . . .
Ugh. There was a lot of violence, a lot of death. It wasn t fun at all. We
were terrified, every day.
 But you were standing up for what you believed in. That s a very powerful
thing. It s possible you don t realize how fortunate you are. Or were. But I
do.
That thought just deepened Conrad s sour mood.  What are we standing up for
now? You and I are the exact opposite of space pirates, Feck. We are the
enforcers of an ugly little police state.
Feck smiled again, though this time it was bittersweet.  Well, that s not
without its own sort of romance. Ugly or not, the colony needs us. What would
happen if we weren t doing this? If nobody was? What I m saying is, there
really is a kind of nobility in doing the things that need doing, even when
they re personally distasteful. Especially then, I guess.
But Conrad was having none of that. If there was truth in what Feck was
saying, it just made him angry.  There are other ways to serve. We ve got
people wholike to play the heavy. Who ve always played the heavy. Just send
them in, and leave decent people out of it. If it needs to be done, put it
against the immortal souls of the people who can t be corrupted, because
they re already corrupt.
 Do you need your soul? Feck said, trying for a joke.  Aren t you immorbid?
Judgment day is a long way off if you never stop to die.
 Thanks. That s helpful. Look, I ve been out here almost ten years, and I
don t feel like I ve made a difference. Not for the better.
 Ten years is nothing, Conrad.
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 No? It is to me. But Conrad felt the lie in the words even as he was saying
them. He just didn t like what he was doing. It was as simple as that. He d
been bored as an architect those last few decades, though he hadn t realized
it until the very end. But was boredom any worse than doing something you
actually hated?
 Forget it, he said.  When we get back to P2, I m resigning my commission.
There are a lot of jobs down there I haven t tried yet.
That might ve sounded like selfish whining, but Conrad was pleased to hear,
in his voice, a quiet resolve that was empty of bitterness. Finally. But he
added,  If I stay out here any longer, I ll be less valuable in the long run.
I ve got to keep my self-respect. We all do, or what s the purpose of our
lives?
 Good point, Feck said, affably enough.
Conrad looked out the virtual window again, eyeing the stationary glints of
orange-white sunlight on the surface of Element Pit.  You re a good man,
Feck, he said absently, with his brain halfway unplugged.  Probably one of
the best I ve ever known. Little gods, when did that happen?
Money Izolo was both the engineer and the fourth mate,and when he came to the
bridge to relieve Conrad, Conrad took the opportunity to catch the tail end of
Xmary s sleep shift. Her cabin door knew to let him in, and he shrugged off
his clothes and crawled into the bunk with her.
 Hi, she said sleepily.
 Hi yourself, he returned.
 What s wrong? she asked right away, hearing something in his tone. She
sounded more awake, and her body stiffened as if preparing to sit up.
 Just a bad day, he told her.
She rolled over to embrace him, and as the wellcloth sheets pulled aside he
could feel that she wasn t wearing anything either. She seldom did, when she
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